Confucius Quotes Jokes

1. “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” – Confucius
2. “The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” – Confucius
3. “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” – Confucius
4. “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius
5. “The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large.” – Confucius
6. “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius
7. “When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.” – Confucius
8. “What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” – Confucius
9. “The superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions.” – Confucius
10. “To see what is right and not do it is want of courage.” – Confucius
11. “The man of wisdom is never of two minds; the man of benevolence never worries; the man of courage is never afraid.” – Confucius
12. “The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life.” – Confucius
13. “When we see men of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves.” – Confucius
14. “He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger.” – Confucius
15. “To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” – Confucius
16. “When we have faults, do not fear to abandon them.” – Confucius

1. The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. – Confucius
2. The superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions. – Confucius
3. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. – Confucius
4. To see what is right and not do it is want of courage. – Confucius
5. When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves. – Confucius
6. Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. – Confucius
7. The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large. – Confucius
8. To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. – Confucius
9. The strength of a nation derives from the integrity of the home. – Confucius
10. When we see men of virtue, we should think of equaling them; when we see men of a contrary character, we should examine ourselves. – Confucius
11. I want you to be everything that’s you, deep at the center of your being. – Confucius
12. The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. – Confucius
13. Ignorance is the night of the mind, but a night without moon and star. – Confucius
14. Recompense injury with justice, and recompense kindness with kindness. – Confucius
15. The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. – Confucius
16. The superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions. – Confucius

1. Confucius say: Man who makes joke about Confucius quotes, must be prepared for wise comeback.
2. Confucius say: Life too short for bad jokes. Make it meaningful.
3. Confucius say: Laughter is the best medicine, but wisdom is the ultimate cure.
4. Confucius say: Jokes are like arrows – aim carefully, lest you hit yourself in the foot.
5. Confucius say: Do not take life too seriously, or you’ll miss out on the joke.
6. Confucius say: Wise man knows when to laugh at himself, but wiser man knows when to stay silent.
7. Confucius say: Jokes are like mirrors – they reflect the truth, but sometimes distort it for effect.
8. Confucius say: Laughter is the sound of a soul at peace. Share a joke and spread the joy.
9. Confucius say: He who can laugh at himself will never cease to be entertained.
10. Confucius say: Words of wisdom may be serious, but a well-timed joke can lighten the load.
11. Confucius say: Humor is the spice of life. Add it liberally, but don’t overdo it.
12. Confucius say: A good joke is a gift to the soul. Share it freely and spread happiness.
13. Confucius say: Laughter is the music of the heart. Play your favorite joke and dance to the rhythm.
14. Confucius say: Jokes are like seeds – plant them in fertile minds and watch wisdom grow.
15. Confucius say: A funny bone is a terrible thing to waste. Keep it active with laughter and joy.
16. Confucius say: The best jokes are the ones that make you think. Laugh, ponder, and repeat.

1. It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop…unless you’re in a race against a sloth.

2. Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated…like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions.

3. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall…especially if it’s gracefully after tripping over our own feet.

4. I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand…unless it involves using complicated IKEA tools, then I forget everything.

5. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life…unless you’re a professional procrastinator.

6. When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves…then quickly change the channel.

7. To see what is right and not do it is the want of courage…unless it involves confronting a spider, then it’s just common sense.

8. The superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions…unless he’s bragging about his Candy Crush high score.

9. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance…unless you’re trying to explain WiFi to your grandmother.

10. The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life…unless the question is ‘Are we there yet?’ in a car trip.

11. It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness…unless you’re trying to take a nice selfie in a dimly lit room.

12. The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones…unless he’s just looking for an excuse to avoid going to the gym.

13. To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it…like when someone uses your Netflix account without permission.

14. The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know…like when you try to understand the plot of a Christopher Nolan movie.

15. Everything has its beauty, but not everyone sees it…especially if it’s a really ugly sweater.

16. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step…unless you’re wearing heels, then it’s more like a journey of ten steps.

1. Laughter is the best medicine, and these jokes are the perfect prescription.
2. Life is better when you’re laughing, so why not indulge in some hilarious quotes and jokes.
3. A day without laughter is a day wasted, so arm yourself with these funny quotes and jokes.
4. In a world full of seriousness, be the one who brings laughter with these funny quotes and jokes.
5. Don’t take life too seriously, have a good laugh with these hilarious quotes and jokes.
6. Sometimes all you need is a good joke to make your day brighter, so enjoy these funny quotes.
7. Laughing is contagious, so spread the joy with these side-splitting quotes and jokes.
8. Humor is a universal language, and these funny quotes and jokes speak volumes.
9. Life’s too short to be serious all the time, so dive into these witty quotes and jokes.
10. Let laughter be your soundtrack with these comical quotes and jokes.
11. There’s nothing like a good joke to lift your spirits, so dive into these funny quotes.
12. If laughter is the best medicine, then these quotes and jokes are the ultimate cure.
13. Laughter is the key to happiness, so unlock the fun with these hilarious quotes and jokes.
14. Don’t let a day go by without sharing a good laugh, courtesy of these funny quotes and jokes.
15. Find joy in the simple things, like a good joke from these lighthearted quotes.
16. The best moments in life are the ones filled with laughter, so enjoy these funny quotes and jokes to the fullest.

1. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
2. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
3. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
4. I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you.’
5. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
6. I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.
7. I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
8. I told my computer I needed a break and now it won’t stop giving me vacation ads.
9. My husband is doing a great job pretending to do the housework. Even the dust bunnies have roller skates on now.
10. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
11. I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing gravity.
12. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
13. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
14. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
15. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
16. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

1. It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius, unless you’re in the fast lane on the highway.

2. Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. – Confucius, just like trying to assemble Ikea furniture.

3. The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. – Confucius, unless he has a bulldozer.

4. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. – Confucius, unless your boss is a micromanager.

5. When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves. – Confucius, unless they are just really annoying.

6. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. – Confucius, unless it’s on a slippery floor.

7. To see what is right and not do it is the want of courage. – Confucius, unless what is right is eating that second piece of cake.

8. Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart. – Confucius, unless you’re going to a haunted house.

9. It is better to light a single candle than to curse the darkness. – Confucius, unless you want to save on electricity.

10. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance. – Confucius, unless you’re a know-it-all.

11. The superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions. – Confucius, unless he’s a politician.

12. The expectations of life depend upon diligence; the mechanic that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools. – Confucius, unless he has a 3D printer.

13. He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger. – Confucius, unless he’s watching Netflix.

14. To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous. – Confucius, unless it’s a ‘Who Wants to Be a Millionaire’ question.

15. The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life. – Confucius, unless it’s a stupid question.

16. It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop. – Confucius, unless you’re in a race against a sloth.

1. It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius
Joke: Unless you’re in a car chase, then you should probably speed up a bit.

2. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. – Confucius
Joke: I must have a lot of glory then, because I fall all the time – especially on slippery floors.

3. Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. – Confucius
Joke: I chose to be a professional napper, but apparently that doesn’t count as a job.

4. The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life. – Confucius
Joke: So I guess the man who questions why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch is a genius?

5. To see what is right and not do it is the want of courage. – Confucius
Joke: So if I see a spider in my room and don’t squish it, does that mean I’m brave or just lazy?

6. Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance. – Confucius
Joke: Well, I must be really knowledgeable then because I have no clue about most things.

7. The superior man is modest in his speech but exceeds in his actions. – Confucius
Joke: So basically, talk small but carry a big stick?

8. Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses. – Confucius
Joke: I guess that means I should forgive the guy who cut me off in traffic, but not the one who took the last piece of cake.

9. When we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inwards and examine ourselves. – Confucius
Joke: So the next time I meet someone who’s a real jerk, I should blame myself for attracting them with my magnetic charm.

10. The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. – Confucius
Joke: Or you could just try using a locksmith, I hear they’re pretty good at unlocking doors.

11. It does not matter how high you go, but how high you bounce back after you hit bottom. – Confucius
Joke: Tell that to my basketball coach who kept yelling at me to stop dribbling so high.

12. The superior man is satisfied and composed; the mean man is always full of distress. – Confucius
Joke: So I guess that means I’m superior when I’m binge-watching Netflix and eating popcorn, right?

13. He who learns but does not think, is lost! He who thinks but does not learn is in great danger. – Confucius
Joke: I guess that means I should probably start thinking about why I never learn from my mistakes.

14. The more you know, the more you realize you don’t know. – Confucius
Joke: So I must be pretty dumb then, because I know a lot about useless trivia.

15. What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others. – Confucius
Joke: I guess that means I shouldn’t give my friends homework to do on the weekends.

16. To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. – Confucius
Joke: So I guess that means I can forget about the time my sister stole my favorite shirt and spilled spaghetti sauce on it?